you know something that really bothers me? jealousy. especially the petty stuff.

for instance, right now, there's a girl that my ex is friends with. i used to be her friend, too, when we were younger, but a stupid boy got in the way and she hasn't spoken to me since. she blatantly ignores all contact i try to make with her. i'm not rude at all; i usually don't say much of anything, actually, yet she still ignores me. recently, i got my ex to text her (on his phone, since she ignores me) to finally find out why she hates me so much.

apparently, she "thinks she hates me because we have some of the same friends and the mutual friends we have all seem to like me more than her."

what the actual fuck? why would you even hate someone for a reason like that? if i were her, honestly, i would try to learn from me why they like me more and convert/apply those attributes to myself and build stronger relationships. also, from what i know about her, she's made all of her friendships very exclusive. when i was dating my now recent ex, this chick wouldn't talk to him at all, let alone acknowledge his existence. but now that he's single, she texts him constantly (or so it seems to me) and hangs out with him publicly. she makes me want to scream dramatically and punch her in the vagina. ugh.

i'm sorry, people of the World Wide Abyss. this is supposed to be a blog for my late-night philosophical rants/discoveries, but it seems to have subjected itself to my rampaging hormones and other emotional horrors. i've ranted about her enough to my ex already, and it even pisses him off that she hates me for what he, too, deems a foolish reason. he says i wasn't persistent enough with her in the texts i sent (under his guise) and that the next time they hang out, he's going to try to get a "real" answer out of her.

and yes, this man still loves me. and i still love him. we're such a dastardly dynamic duo. and i love it.

rant is over.

why are people afraid of love? not so much the act of loving, since that comes naturally to most. not so much being loved either, because this in turn is something that most of us are naturally conditioned for. it is the love itself that people fear, and i wonder why that is. why is it so difficult for one person to transfer these feelings to another? there is the matter of trust, yes, and if browsing for a potential partner, then similarities are always preferred. but aside from these two petty differences, why is it so difficult?

why do we test our lovers? why do we build walls around our hearts? are we so frightened of being hurt? are we so scared that we may face rejection in company of one who is not so much like us? but do we really need someone as similar as we are in order to give love? are we truly such prideful, self-absorbed beings that we need a mirror to look into in order to be happy?

why can we not build bridges to connect two different planes of thought? there has to be a common ground somewhere. for instance, all human beings with blue eyes share one common ancestor, regardless of their current lineage. why is this? because blue eyes are mutation, something different, something new and special. something as minuscule as this could be the building block that takes a relationship to a whole new level alone. finding what makes you special and bringing that forth in any way you can imagine should be enough to entice anyone who can lend an eye or ear to venture forward in curiosity.

but apparently not. i think it's depressing almost, how withdrawn our generations have become. they shy away from those things in people that are different and only cling to what is familiar, vaguely or otherwise. what happened to adventure? what happened to spur-of-the-moment romances and sweeping one another off their feet while going on nothing but a single, airy tidbit that caught your interest? "clara's favorite evening drink is red wine mixed with cherry juice? i must romance her, for she is different!" what happened to that?

i can't stand the idea of the new age: that difference among us is the unknown, an anomaly in the human gene, and that the unknown, as always, should be feared. stop it. just stop. jump into the lake without checking how cold it is. taste the soup before waiting for guest to arrive (at least to recommend something different before they arrive if it's a little off). pet a stray animal. pack your things and drive into the unknown and sleep among the stars that evening. do something different. and embrace love, no matter who it comes from. embrace it.

today i went to regions bank to deposit a few checks i had received for graduation. as i was preparing to leave, my car's battery died completely. my friend had to push me out of the drive-through lane. while i was sitting there, waiting for my uncle to arrive to jump me off, at least six cars drove past me. not one person driving stopped to ask if i was alright. does one person truly mean so little? has our world stopped caring? not mother Earth. she seemed to be the only one to care; small breezes floated through my open window in an attempt to cool me while i waited in the heat.